I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
