My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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