I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
