If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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