im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Every concussion has its silver lining
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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