i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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