Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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