Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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