Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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