Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
