1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
