There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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