My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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