What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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