dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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