Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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