FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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