I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
