Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
