i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
