Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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