shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
