Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
