do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
