I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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