And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
