I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
