i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
