whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
