Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
