I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
