my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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