do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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