Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
