Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
