im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
