I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
