im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
