tell your sister to shave her snatch
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
