Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
