She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
