My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think your dad took our porno
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
