This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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