Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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