You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
