You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
