I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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