dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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