no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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