you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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