If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
