This girl is more easily done than said...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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